i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
