Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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