I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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