Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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