you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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