I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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