remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I need to stop coming to work sober
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
