I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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