Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
