If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize