Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
