What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you win again, gameday.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
