A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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