Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
