highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my shit smells like andre
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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