Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
