have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
