Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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