Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
