Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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