There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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