Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
