Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
