My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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