i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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