He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
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