Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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