The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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