I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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