Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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