Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
