just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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