check it out our google latitudes are spooning
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
