Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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