We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10