Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.