Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.