There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
