im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
