oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
