would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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