why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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