i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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