The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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