More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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