"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
