I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
