I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
