What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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