i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
