Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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