i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
