My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
