I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
