Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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