Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.