sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
