I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
