Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
