it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
