Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
