my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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